The Man, part 1.

On the bus. He could feel every contour of his face, every edge and protrusion. The skin was pulled more tightly over the bone and cartilage than usual. It often did that just after he had showered. The skin probably dried up somewhat. But who had time for lotions and ointments, really? It was more than enough work to brush each day. Flossing only occurred sporadically. When he remembered to remember. Not often enough according to his dentist. Screw that guy though, he had arm-hair covering his wrist watch. He may know about dental hygiene but who takes advice from a guy like that? And those kids in the framed pictures, let's just hope they're talented or something. He had gotten off the bus now, waiting for the next one. In that little glassy hut-like structure they call a bus stop. Smoking the first cigarette of the day as he stood there. Mulling over what he had heard about the nicotine in the cigarettes turning your fingers yellow he concluded;

"This is what yellow tastes like."

Do colours have tastes? If they did, yellow would no doubt taste like a morning cigarette in the rain. Did the cigarettes actually taste different while smoked on an early, rainy day? Or was it all in his head? In either case it was all real to him. That's what mattered, right now. Until he got to see her again. Finallly.

Plastic bags.

Returning to the topic of environmentalism. According to a poll in a Swedish evening newspaper (not the best source I know) 72.2% of people want to ban plastic bags. Apparently because they are bad for the environment. Why don't just those 72.2% stop buying the damn things and we wouldn't need a legislated ban. That even 1% of the population would want this is depressing. People in this godforsaken country really do want to be disciplined by the government. Like some stern father who lets them know what they may or may not do, in all aspects of life. I can only guess that they find some sense of security in that.

A menacing killer.

The scary thing is that people may actually believe in this sort of soft policy/journalism fluff. The planet will not go tits up because of some plastic bags, trust me. Maybe the fact that many industrialised nations still pump their sewage, mostly untreated, straight into the ocean should concern people a little bit more. Literally being up a shit creek some day doesn't sound too exciting to me.

Rum would help.

I rolled out of the couch today and smacked my head on the coffee table. It hurt...

...alot. On the plus side: now I'm like a sexy pirate, only with a band-aid instead of a patch. And no friends instead of a parrot. And a crippling fear of commitment instead of swag. So really, I'm the greatest pirate master that's ever lived!

Nature.

One has to be amazed by the ignorance of people sometimes. Global warming is just the latest in a long line of arrogant ideas concocted by us humans. The sheer hubris that mankind, annoying as we may be, could ever "destroy" nature is so laughable as to be utterly absurd. I believe one of the main reasons for this irrational idea, or fear if you're a proper idiot, is that modern day people have no concept of what nature actually is. Granted that people in Ye Olde Times had little to no grasp of the cosmos, they at least had some fundamental understanding of how the fauna directly surrounding them functioned. Even though it seemed awfully scary. Probably because it is. People these days get their imagery and mental picture of nature from Disney films, it seems. Where animals and plants have the characteristics of humans and live happily together, in peace, smiling and singing forever and ever. The end. Poppycock! Animals fight all the time, in fact, that's most of what they do. Every single day of their lives. They have to fight for territory, food, not to become food, for mating rights. In fact, for everything. Because you see, nature doesn't dole out good tidings and fortunes like some benevolent mother figure as filthy hippies would have you believe. Nature will kick your ass. Or it would, back in the day. Before us humans became all uppity and decided to not be completely subject to nature's hardships. Yes, we do have some control of our environment. And we have done some damage, a hell of a lot. But in the great scheme of things we are but a pimple on the face of nature. And not even a very bad case of pubescent acne at that. This shit will clear up as soon as nature decides to wash a bit more and stay of sweets for a while. Debates over whether of not predators such as wolves and bears are too dangerous and should be destroyed makes me laugh. Are people really that stupid? Are we really such big pussies? Honestly? It's as if we want a clinically sterile, prepackaged, controlled, safety tested form of nature. Where only friendly animals such as, I don't know, fluffy little bunnies exist. That's not nature, that's a fucking park you morons. Get your heads out of your asses, your asses out of your office chairs and out into the woods and have a look around. On second thought, don't. People know nothing of "the country" and will end up getting killed by a rogue magpie or something. Then we'd have to kill all of them as well. Have a happy new year. May your days be filled with satisfying random encounters and positive meals that taste quite nice. I'm modest in my well-wishings these days. As not to put too much pressure on you...you're welcome!

Bullshit.

That's what the world looks like to me right now. A big stinking mound of pure excrement. And it just keeps piling on every day. Higher and higher until maybe, hopefully, it all tips over and drowns us in a flash flood of feces. A turd tsunami of destruction. Enough with the poop talk. Every time I think I've found a loophole it turns out to be a noose.  I used to be good at "the talking", "the talking" was my thing. My only thing really. Now I just flop around like a fish having some sort of epileptic fit. I can't believe how much time I've wasted trying to be something I'm not. I'm not a cool guy, I'm just a nice guy wearing an awesome shirt and hat. I don't know which disappoints me more; Me trying to act like someone else or me being the exact same person I've always been. I'm essentially a tall 8 year old boy holding a beer. Somewhat more hairy of course. At other times I feel like I'm doing a piss poor impersonation of myself. Honestly, I quite often wish I was gay. Or at the very least bi-sexual. Which is sort of gay-lite, I guess, I don't really know a lot about gayness. I'd imagine coming out to my family would be harsh but after that it's just clear sailing ahead! No more having to deal with women and their bullshit! Now if I can just stay clear of natural disasters involving fecal matter and I'm all set. Be quiet and let me love you. Let me love you and have some cake.